Why don’t bunnies make noise when they make love?
Because they have cotton balls.
What do you call a herd of masturbating cattle?
What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A cock that stays up all night.
What do you call a cow with and abortion?
What do you get when you put an experimental monkey in a blender?
What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
They both like a tight seal.
What do you call two skunks doing “69”?
How many animals can fit in a pair of pantyhose?
10 little piggies, 2 calfs, a beaver and an ass!
What does a bankrupt frog say?
“Baroke, baroke, baroke.”
What do you call little bugs that live on the moon?
Why don’t chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their faces.
Why don’t blind people skydive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.
What has four legs and an arm?
A happy pit-bull.
Why did the frog read Sherlock Holmes?
He liked a good croak and dagger.
What happened to the frog’s car when his parking meter expired?
It got toad!
What did the frog order at McDonald’s?
French flies and a diet Croak.
What is the thirstiest frog in the world?
The one who drinks Canada Dry!
What do stylish frogs wear?
Did you hear about the little Chihuahua that swallowed a Viagra pill?
He became a pointer!
What’s the last thing to go through a bug’s mind as it hits the windshield?
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them!
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied!
How does a frog feel when he has a broken leg?
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don’t work.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
Monkey see, monkey do.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him!
What do you call a dog with metal balls and no hind legs?
Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Every time she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat.
How do you catch a polar bear?
You cut a hole in the ice. Then you open a can of peas. Place the peas next to the whole in the ice. When the bear comes to take a pea… you kick him in the ice hole.
Why do hens lay eggs?
If they dropped them, they’d break.
Why do seagulls live near the sea?
If they lived near the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you get from a pampered cow?
Where do you get virgin wool from?
Did you hear about the nearsighted skunk?
He tried to rape a fart.
Why do mice have small balls?
Not that many know how to dance.
What sound does a Horny Toad make?
RUB IT, RUB IT..
How many canaries can you get under a Scotsman’s kilt?
Depends how long the perch is.
A fly sees a cute little female fly land on a pile of shit. He buzzes down and says, “Excuse me, miss, is this stool taken?”
How do you know if elephants have been making love in your back yard?
The trash can liner bags are missing.
What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?
You either get an onion with long floppy ears, or you get a piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes!
What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what’s on the outside?
What is brown and sits in the forest?
What do you get when you cross a pit bull with a collie?
A dog that runs for help after it bites your leg off.
What do you call three rabbits in a row, hopping backwards simultaneously?
A receding hareline.
What does an elephant use for a Tampon?